August 2016 playlist

Long time, no talk! Here are the tracks I’m digging at the moment.
Spoiler alert: there is no Frank Ocean on account of not having his album just yet!

  1. “Oceans” by Seafret
  2. “Cold Water” by Major Lazer feat. Justin Bieber and MO
  3. “Twice” by Catfish and The Bottlemen
  4. “Body Say” by Demi Lovato
  5. “Drive” by Oh Wonder
  6. “West Coast” by Coconut Records
  7. “Papercuts” by Illy feat. Vera Blue
  8. “Boom” by Major Lazer feat. Too Many People
  9. “Toothbrush” by DNCE
  10. “Closer” by The Chainsmokers feat. Halsey
  11. “Ease” by Troye Sivan feat. Broods

Small end note: I saw Troye Sivan live not too long ago and his performance and engagement with the audience just shows how REAL you can be on stage, no matter how big you get! He pulled a lot of things out from the crowd, including a cut out of himself stolen from an Optus store, and lettuce, which he also tasted. Lol. Also took someone’s phone from the crowd and took a ton of crowd selfies! That has only been a dream of mine.



Live and Mobile

The strangers you walk past everyday
are all complex human beings.
With pasts and futures,
life experiences and places to go,
internal battles
and wondrous triumphs.

But you walk past them everyday
without realizing.

You glance at them
and forget them forever.
Someone you now hold close
was one of them,
just like you are
to a million other people;
– a stranger.

Screen Shot 2014-08-04 at 2.09.39 pm

She looks past her desktop screensaver
to a better life –
Last night’s rain
clinging lumpy brown mud to her fading red gumboots,
the guilty pleasure of hearing the sludge,
squishing and squirming
at every step.
Still squinting through her sunglasses
from the glaring sun reflecting tenfold off the metal poles
that held up the shade for the Mix Up tent stage.

chasing the sound of sweet melodies and tuning guitars,
Like curious dogs
following the waft of barbecued meat.
The gathering of sweaty bodies,
Jumping in unison,
the odd accidental elbowing
or landing on someone else’s foot.
Craning her neck above the flower crowns
to watch the lead singer bound off the stage,
And lose his shoe to a crowd surf.

People ambling closer as their sound catches wind
and drifts toward strangers hundreds of metres away.
Gradually losing personal space,
but quickly gaining friends.

She didn’t care
about the zero left in her account,
or her rain-soaked duffel bag
with stale clothes inside.
She didn’t care
for her lack of sleep
or the due dates
awaiting her return.

All she cared about was
the live music,
the atmosphere,
the exotic food,
this carefree music festival
that was the most convenient getaway
from her so-called ‘life’.
She didn’t know until then
that that was not her life.

This, here –
This is living.

New life update

I don’t know how or why this happened, but things are happening for me.

I turned nineteen years old less than three weeks ago, and I feel like a completely different person to the one who was having a nap on the afternoon of her eighteenth birthday, wishing she didn’t have to entertain guests because all she wanted to do was curl up in her bed and sleep.
I simply figured, nothing new has been happening in my life and it’s because I’m not letting anything happen. I’m saying no to any opportunities thrown my way, and I’m not throwing myself into anything new and out of my comfort zone.

So that’s what I’ve been doing these last few weeks. And I didn’t even go into this intentionally, saying yes to everything; it all just fell into place. It all just happened.
My first week back to uni, I was already jam-packed with work to do because my friends encouraged me to write and direct a short film I had on my mind. Basically, I had a week to turn nothing into a written screenplay and pitch in a week.
In that same week, I was given a job interview, and that job.
On a slightly smaller and sillier scale, I think something is progressing romantically. :O
And socially. Because I’ll be going on a trip with friends up north to my very first music festival – Splendour In The Grass!

That was all just last week. Now I’ve come to the end of this week and I am a completely different person. Mostly because of my new job, I think. I seem to feel much more independent and more approachable. Having to deal with customers and tourists all day and being encouraged to approach people and ask if they need help has made me feel less anxious/weird about approaching strangers to talk or ask for something. Even when I was on my break, I was waiting in line at a cafe, and just striked up a conversation with the couple in front of me. You have to understand – this is something I never do. Usually if a stranger randomly talks to me, I just give them a smile and a bit of a laugh. But this time I was actually the one to start the conversation. What? I also find myself just smiling at strangers for whatever reason. I don’t know if it’s creepy, but finally having a job is just making me feel independent, and useful.

I’m mostly terrified at the thought of writing and directing a short film, especially because this will be our major work that spans across two trimesters. I could either make or break this, and also make or break my close friendships with the people in my group (I’ve seen it happen to another director). But I’m also excited about this. I always seem to forget about that part. That I’m excited. Mostly because it’s like a dripping tap in the back of my mind, always reminding me that there’s something I need to be working on to do with this short film, and it makes me anxious because I don’t want to screw it up. I’m just really nervous about it because it’s such a big thing, but I just find it crazy how I ended up doing this.

I basically just threw myself in the deep end for pretty much all aspects of my life, and let me tell you, I am exhausted. Yes, it’s only been two weeks, but it feels like it has been two months. All this work to do with the screenplay and presentation, plus working 9 to 5 on all my previously free days…
I’m not going to have a day off for three weeks and then I’ll be going straight to Splendour.

Just to think, two weeks ago going from being unemployed, unambitious, with 4-day weekends every week spent entirely at home, to having a very time-demanding job, being a director-in-the-works, with no days spent entirely at home for at least a month…


07: Favorite cover of your favorite song

As if I even have a favourite song! Just choosing my favourite covers of any song in general.

MGMT – Electric Feel (Katy Perry Cover)

I don’t know why so many people think Katy Perry is a terrible singer. Maybe there’s something completely different about her voice when she sings live, but I think she’s amazing. Having said that, this is actually the only song I have of her, and it sounds nothing like any of her usual songs. What I LOVE about this cover is that it really is a cover – not just another artist playing the same song. That’s what I like about all covers, really.


Architecture In Helsinki – Heart It Races (Dr. Dog Cover)

Again, for completely altering the tone and musical arrangement of the song. So summer-y, so beachy, so chilling out on the balcony on a cold Sunday morning with a cup of tea and a good book and a good view. Psst, I like the cover better than the original!


Kimbra – Two Weeks/Head Over Heels

It’s a mash up cover of Grizzly Bear’s “Two Weeks” and Tears For Fears’ “Head Over Fears” on Triple J. Basically I just love everything Kimbra does. Even covers and arrangements of her own songs are just. Amazing.

Existential Crisis

I am just about having the worst existential crisis of my life.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of my 3rd year in college (technically 3rd year, long story), which means I only have two trimesters to go, and I have no idea what I’m doing. I know that so many other students experience exactly what I’m experiencing right now, but frankly, that doesn’t do anything to help my situation. Knowing that other people don’t know what they’re doing with their lives isn’t banishing the fact that I don’t know what I’m doing either.
Maybe if I chose a different career path, a more stable one, things would be easier, I keep thinking to myself. But I’m not so sure. In truth, if I chose any career path other than the film industry, all I’d be doing is regretting whatever I’m studying and wishing I was studying film.

Here are some things you need to know about me to fully comprehend the extent of my existential crisis:
1. I want a job with a steady income and regular hours
2. I am terrible at adapting to change
3. I am a shy and awkward person
4. I do not take initiative on many things. If anything, it’s a rarity
5. My navigating and transporting skills are 99% non-existent

Here are some things you need to know about working in the film industry:
1. The film industry is an absolutely terrible and terrifying place for anyone with any or all of the attributes above
2. Was that not enough?

Look, I just want to create through this audio-visual medium. I am fascinated by it. I love story-telling and I love film and I love its language and its power and the way it speaks to people and how each and every minor detail has been thought through and put there specifically to enhance the story in some kind of way. I love it. I love film. It’s my passion. And they say, “Do what you love,” right? So that’s what I decided to do.

But here is my problem:
I am the only thing in this nonsensical equation that is stopping me from being successful before I’ve even started. Psychologically, yes. But even my skills are limited. I lack all the technical skills required to operate a camera to its full extent. It just doesn’t stick in my head. My knowledge of film, past and present, is disturbingly poor. The only thing I think I have going for me is that I am “creative”. And even then, I couldn’t prove anyone of that in my “Creative Thinking” class.

I shouldn’t even have time to worry about what I’m going to do when I graduate, because these final two trimesters involve a “specialised project” in which, by the title, we specialise in a certain role, in a certain type of film medium. E.g. The director for a short film, or the editor for a music video.
And still. I don’t know what I’m good at. I still don’t know what I enjoy the most. And I’m pretty sure I’m the only one left in the class who can’t find her little niche. I’m pretty sure I’m one of those people in the class who you wouldn’t want to end up working with because she doesn’t seem to know anything or know how to do anything or is any good at anything. One of those people who you’d think is just taking this course because she doesn’t know what she’s doing and will most likely end up working in a completely different industry.
And I guess that is me. I don’t know anything, I can’t do anything, and I’ll probably end up doing something completely unrelated to film because I chickened out.

I’m thinking… Screenwriting? Production/set design? Editing?
The latter is probably the only promising one in terms of its demands in the industry. And yet that is probably my worst skill out of the three. And even then, I know if I ever told anyone in class that I’d like to get into screenwriting or editing, that I would be laughed at. I’m not even joking. Literally laughed at. Especially editing. Production design is what I’m most interested in, but my lecturer pretty much told me there’s no future down that career path; hardly anyone needs a production designer in small or indie productions. He keeps telling me I have a “good head” and has given me positive feedback about my editing skills and has pretty much convinced me into specialising in editing, but look – the main thing I’m having a problem with about this is that I don’t know how to prove myself a worthy editor to my classmates enough for them to want to take me on as editor for their project. There are some really amazing editors in the class who have known what they wanted to do since before they came to this college – they’ve been practising for so long, edited for a fair few productions, and just really know their stuff. And then there’s me, who just realised a month or two ago, maybe I’d be sort of okay at editing, if that’s what my general feedback has been.

The bottom line is, I have the passion for filmmaking, but not the skills. How stupid is that?

06: Earliest thing you can remember

I was probably three years old, lying upside down on our ancient old brown couch. My head was hanging off the edge and my legs were up where your back should be leaning. I had no pants on, but I was wearing a white shirt with some sort of prints on the front, and white undies.

I distinctly remember this from my perspective (not sure if this should be obvious or not), and I was staring at my legs against the couch, not really thinking of anything. I had a bottle of milk in my mouth, so from my perspective I could see it in the foreground. It was the bottle that separated in the middle to make two handles so that you could hold it with both hands.

The interesting thing is, I don’t know how much of that tiny memory is actually true. They say every time you remember something, it changes a little bit every time.
I have thought of that memory countless times. I’m kind of intrigued by it, how something so fleeting and meaningless could be my earliest memory. It makes me wonder if there was something significant at that time, if there was a reason I remembered that moment specifically, if there was something I was thinking about that was profound enough (well, for a three-year-old, at least) that I would remember that moment.
And how much of this memory has stuck to its actual event? Was I really wearing a white shirt? Was it really the old brown couch I was lying on? Did I even have that milk bottle in my hands, or did I just assume that just because I was a toddler in this memory?

It all sounds stupid and unnecessary to think so deeply in this, I know. But sometimes I wish I could do that thing in Harry Potter, where you extract your memories into this liquid thing (I don’t remember! I’m not a hard out HP fan!) and then dunk your face into the thing and then replay it (sounds graceful). Or, you know, save your memories into a hard drive and then play it back whenever. And the memories wouldn’t be warped as a result of time or having other experiences afterwards, e.g. Remembering all the good times you had with a friend after they backstabbed you or something, they wouldn’t play back as if this friend is suddenly a very ugly person. I think that would be amazing. To save your memories forever exactly the way it happened.

I’m a very nostalgic person, can you tell?